Tag Archives: premarital counseling

“The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart”

19 Dec

So I have been slacking lately on blogging.  I have been so busy at work lately that it is interfering with my home life.  I have missed home group for the past two weeks now due to work events, and I have had to work from home some.  It has been hectic due to a team member being on vacation for 3 weeks.  

Due to this, I have been the biggest baby!  I am achey and the biggest complainer.  With this, I have been extremely selfish and I haven’t been fighting fair.  

So through the course of premarital, we went through session six and seven on understanding and resolving marriage conflict biblically.  These two lessons really shined light on how selfish we really are.  In every relationship, there will be conflict whether big or small.  In marriage, two sinner are joined together and the reasons for disagreements is our hearts.  I have learned that those disagreements starts with our heart.  We are more into our own passions and desires than for God’s; thus in turn selfishness.  Whatever rules our hearts will rule our lives.  Only through grace will we overcome those worldly desires.  When our hearts are in the correct place, marriage will be in the correct place to represent Christ and the Church.  

Resolving marriage conflict biblically is done through repentance and forgiveness.  Continually I have to remind myself to be more patient as I have to be more selfless.  I have to remind myself to be more giving and loving, and not worry about the petty things that we tend to bicker about.  Marriage is a journey and is to be enjoyed more over time.  Marriage is about repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation, as much it is about the love and enjoyment you have with your spouse or significant other.  Marriage takes work and the work of our hearts to be in the right place. 

“The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart” 

I love that quote.  I got this from the church and it makes so much sense.  This is a good way to remind myself that I always need to check myself and I need accountability. 

Becoming a Husband and a Wife

7 Dec

It is the fifth session of premarital counseling!  So I am a little behind on these postings, but that is okay because I can catch up on them since it is the icemageddon of DFW right now.  I am going through cabin fever and working from home on a weekend…something I never do.

According to a local news station map, this is what DFW looks like right now.  Yup – not leaving the house.

Image

So fifth session or premarital counseling was about how to become a husband and a wife.  We split up with our marriage mentors here to discuss individually on husband and wife things.  I feel like we both got something good from it and this is the start of actually discussing marriage itself.

In becoming a husband and wife, the roles have already been defined by God.  There isn’t a need to try and define them.

The husband’s role is an assignment of serious and eternal weight.  A husband is called to give himself for his bride, the same way Jesus did for His bride.  Through this type of love, a husband is slowly learning to love his wife by paying close attention to her words and receive her thoughts with thanksgiving.

The wife’s role is to submit to their husband.  It isn’t the same submission as what society thinks as a whole, but rather the same submission as husband to Christ.  This is to show the world what the relationship between Christ and His church is like.  This is important since wives are called to honor and respect their husband, as their husband honor and respect Christ.  This helps paint a picture of marriage of the invisible picture of Christ and His church.

Covenant of Marriage

3 Dec

Forth session of premarital counseling – complete! This one was still pretty basic in terms of really digging in what marriage actually means. These are so important that many look over them and forget. Our marriage mentors so far have really enjoyed these, since the premarital counseling is reminding them the reasons they got married in the first place.

So a covenant is a promise. Many times, I hear people talk about marriage as more contractual than a promise. A covenant involves a sign or symbol to remember and celebrate the exchange, which for a marriage are the rings, unity candles, and gifts. In order to keep covenant with one another, we need to continuously grow in understanding of God and how he keeps his covenant with us. By nature, marriage is full of sinfulness, where marriage should be full of genuine repentance and forgiveness only by His grace. If we want to keep our marriage covenant, we need to continuously learn and grow in the grace of God.

Understanding Marriage

27 Nov

Third session of premarital counseling!  We are flying through this, but learning so much at the same time!

This session was another setting the foundation for marriage.  Most people misunderstand what marriage is for; most people speak of marriage as if it is a pair of old jeans.  They speak of marriage as something that you put on and take off as you need, and if it doesn’t fit, you just throw them away – just like a pair of old jeans.  Marriage, I have realized, doesn’t belong to us.  Marriage is a possession of God as a priceless creation.  He invented marriage and gave it to us as a gift from Him.  This point spoke to me, as I know many friend’s parents don’t treat marriage as a gift and it is highly misused.  My parents surely didn’t and it is more evident to me know how broken the idea of marriage was to them.

A few take-aways for me from this session were:

  1. Marriage was God’s invention as he felt it wasn’t good for man to be alone (Genesis 1:26) and there was not a suitable helper.  The reason He felt man wasn’t good to be alone was that man would only focus on himself, and God wanted a helper to display the image of God.  The problem wasn’t that Adam was lonely, it was the need of a helper to steward the glory of God.
  2. Separation from parents to become one flesh with future spouse.  This is learning to depend on the Lord and not depend on parents.  This means the marriage is more sacred and more vital than any other relationship.  The marriage in Christ comes first before any other relationships, even earthly parents.
  3. Marriage is a visible symbol of Christ and the Church.  This provides a visual of God’s redeeming love.  Marriage displays His glory, and the glory of Christ and the Church.
  4. The use of marriage is to populate the earth; however, spiritual rebirth has a greater emphasis than physical rebirth.  A Christ-centered marriage provides the foundation of teaching the next generation of God and His grace in our lives.  The use of marriage is a wonderful example of God’s love and truth.
  5. Marriage was also designed for pure enjoyment.  We are suppose to be delighted in our husband or wife through the foundation of service.

These are all such great points to take-away and really use this to set a strong foundation in our marriage.  I can tell it will be so easy to forget if I don’t continually check myself on these and to remind me that marriage is a gift.

Knowing Who I am

21 Nov

From my post on the Foundation for Marriage was the first session of my premarital counseling.  Here I will be outlining what I took away from my second session and what I have learned.

This was on knowing who I am in terms of what I lust and what I fear.  It was interesting concept, since I haven’t thought of my fears this way before.  For example, if my fear is failure, then automatically I lust success.  It is definitely a new way of looking at lust and fears.  I never realized that what the opposite I fear is what I lust after.

Another way in knowing who I am was to understand myself and others.  This will allow me to see how marriage is for me clearly.  I need to understand where I come from, which was from Session 1, who I am in Jesus Christ, and where I am going.  The understanding of these three things will allow me to better understand why I react the way I do and how to grow and change for the better.

Foundation for Marriage

13 Nov

So I am engaged and right now my fiance and I are going through premarital counseling.  Yesterday was the first session with our marriage mentors.  We have an aggressive schedule to complete premarital counseling, so I thought it would be a good idea to document what I take away from the sessions and what I have learned.

Yesterday’s session was very general and good.  Our marriage mentors are also our home group leaders, which helps since they know our testimony and how we are, so it lessens that initial awkward stage.

  1. Our background and family life – Where we come from can shape our outlook on life and marriage.  The more we talked, the more we all realized how many broken marriages there are and how many marriages aren’t really a marriage at all.  The focus that was once there dwindles with time and it is until the two are divorced or are essentially putting up with one another.  This is something my fiance and I don’t want, and this is why premarital counseling is a sweet time to see and talk about these early on to set that foundation.
  2. Priorities – Making sure we have our priorities correct – God, husband/wife, children in that order.  We reflected on our parents and saw how the focus of work or children will tend to consume the person so they lose focus on what is important.  We talked about how the typical working husband today provides and puts dinner on the table, but doesn’t provide in other ways that are important such as: spiritual leadership, continually focus and love his wife, etc.  These are the things that will hold together a marriage and they are the ones that are easily forgotten about.
  3. Direction – Making sure that we are going in the same direction in the future; otherwise, we won’t be able to avoid big conflicts.  This was one that my fiance and I easily agreed on, since we want the same goals in life, but it was stressed to figure this out before getting married.
  4. Marriage is a mirror image of the God and church – It is so simple: marriage is a symbol of God and his church, and yet, it is so complex.  To me I took away this:  Be selfless, always give, and please my future husband in the most Godly way I can.  This is so simple, but so hard.  We are made to be selfish and sinful, and I continually have to compromise what I want to ensure that I am being selfless.  Of course, it is said that the husband does the same – to be selfless and giving.
  5. Focus on God – This is so important, since there is so much going on with life all the time that it is so easy to leave Him to the wayside and make him the last priority.  This is a constant struggle for most.  This is why my fiance and I need to keep one another accountable to make sure we focus on Him.  When you focus on Him, he will give you the desires of your heart.

This was a good first session as it laid the foundation to what a successful Christian marriage is all about before we dive into the smaller, but still important topics.