Covenant of Marriage

3 Dec

Forth session of premarital counseling – complete! This one was still pretty basic in terms of really digging in what marriage actually means. These are so important that many look over them and forget. Our marriage mentors so far have really enjoyed these, since the premarital counseling is reminding them the reasons they got married in the first place.

So a covenant is a promise. Many times, I hear people talk about marriage as more contractual than a promise. A covenant involves a sign or symbol to remember and celebrate the exchange, which for a marriage are the rings, unity candles, and gifts. In order to keep covenant with one another, we need to continuously grow in understanding of God and how he keeps his covenant with us. By nature, marriage is full of sinfulness, where marriage should be full of genuine repentance and forgiveness only by His grace. If we want to keep our marriage covenant, we need to continuously learn and grow in the grace of God.


Understanding Marriage

27 Nov

Third session of premarital counseling!  We are flying through this, but learning so much at the same time!

This session was another setting the foundation for marriage.  Most people misunderstand what marriage is for; most people speak of marriage as if it is a pair of old jeans.  They speak of marriage as something that you put on and take off as you need, and if it doesn’t fit, you just throw them away – just like a pair of old jeans.  Marriage, I have realized, doesn’t belong to us.  Marriage is a possession of God as a priceless creation.  He invented marriage and gave it to us as a gift from Him.  This point spoke to me, as I know many friend’s parents don’t treat marriage as a gift and it is highly misused.  My parents surely didn’t and it is more evident to me know how broken the idea of marriage was to them.

A few take-aways for me from this session were:

  1. Marriage was God’s invention as he felt it wasn’t good for man to be alone (Genesis 1:26) and there was not a suitable helper.  The reason He felt man wasn’t good to be alone was that man would only focus on himself, and God wanted a helper to display the image of God.  The problem wasn’t that Adam was lonely, it was the need of a helper to steward the glory of God.
  2. Separation from parents to become one flesh with future spouse.  This is learning to depend on the Lord and not depend on parents.  This means the marriage is more sacred and more vital than any other relationship.  The marriage in Christ comes first before any other relationships, even earthly parents.
  3. Marriage is a visible symbol of Christ and the Church.  This provides a visual of God’s redeeming love.  Marriage displays His glory, and the glory of Christ and the Church.
  4. The use of marriage is to populate the earth; however, spiritual rebirth has a greater emphasis than physical rebirth.  A Christ-centered marriage provides the foundation of teaching the next generation of God and His grace in our lives.  The use of marriage is a wonderful example of God’s love and truth.
  5. Marriage was also designed for pure enjoyment.  We are suppose to be delighted in our husband or wife through the foundation of service.

These are all such great points to take-away and really use this to set a strong foundation in our marriage.  I can tell it will be so easy to forget if I don’t continually check myself on these and to remind me that marriage is a gift.

thankfulness – week 4

27 Nov

Wow! November literally flew past me, since Thanksgiving is this week! So here’s to the last week of thankfulness for the month.

Weeks 4 thankfulness:

  • Sleep – I never realized how grateful it is to be able to rest and sleep until how tired I am. It is just amazing how we can recharge after an exhausting day and just rest.
  • Water – As I turn on the heat in the house, I haven’t realized how dehydrated and thirsty I have been. It is nice to have the necessities you don’t think about, such as running, drinkable water.
  • Vacuum – Since I have allergies, a vacuum is a wonderful appliance to have. Also it combats the German Shepherd shedding. Who knew a dust sucker would do such wonders in relieving allergies.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving! Remember what you have and be grateful for them.

Knowing Who I am

21 Nov

From my post on the Foundation for Marriage was the first session of my premarital counseling.  Here I will be outlining what I took away from my second session and what I have learned.

This was on knowing who I am in terms of what I lust and what I fear.  It was interesting concept, since I haven’t thought of my fears this way before.  For example, if my fear is failure, then automatically I lust success.  It is definitely a new way of looking at lust and fears.  I never realized that what the opposite I fear is what I lust after.

Another way in knowing who I am was to understand myself and others.  This will allow me to see how marriage is for me clearly.  I need to understand where I come from, which was from Session 1, who I am in Jesus Christ, and where I am going.  The understanding of these three things will allow me to better understand why I react the way I do and how to grow and change for the better.

thankfulness – week 3

19 Nov

I cannot believe November is more than halfway over. The holiday season is moving fast! I did assemble the Christmas tree yesterday. It makes it feel more like Christmas – at least in Texas.

Weeks 3 thankfulness:

  • Technology – we take these for granted sometimes and make it our priority sometimes too.  The good on technology is the communication aspect that allows people to connect with one another easier.  I can’t even imagine not having the technologies we have today.  My mom’s side of the family is all over the world, so it does make a huge difference.
  • Lotion – my hands get so dry especially in the winter, so I am extremely thankful to have some relief from that tight, uncomfortable feeling.
  • Friends – I don’t think I realize how important friendships are when I was younger.  I know in college, they always stressed the importance of creating a network of people that you can rely on later.  They were correct, friends are so important to have.  Especially when your family isn’t close, it is nice to have others that you can rely on and someone to reciprocate that back to.

5 things I would tell my 21 year old self

18 Nov

If I could somehow tell my 21 year old self, I would totally tell them these below to guide myself in the right direction. 

Let’s be honest here, I was an idiot and focused on many things that were so foolish!

  1. Grow in my relationship with God.  I feel with this most of these on the list would have followed naturally.
  2. Be humble – focus less on myself and focus more on others
  3. Focus more on building friendships that last, and not materialistic items or boyfriends for that matter.  I realize now how important it is to have a good network of good people in your life.
  4. Branch out and learned more.  I just focused on school and the extracurricular activities that went along with school.  I needed to learn more “real world” things as that would have been more beneficial to me now.
  5. Stop comparing myself to others.  I always compared myself to others, and I could only see their highlight reel for their life.  I needed to realize no one is that perfect and no one is always happy.

I know that these are just wisdom that I have gained over the few years, and I am glad that I have seen the changes and maturity over the years.  It is just weird to look at life in a different light and what mattered to me so much before, they don’t matter so much anymore.  There are other things that are more important than the worldly items this world tempts one with.

Foundation for Marriage

13 Nov

So I am engaged and right now my fiance and I are going through premarital counseling.  Yesterday was the first session with our marriage mentors.  We have an aggressive schedule to complete premarital counseling, so I thought it would be a good idea to document what I take away from the sessions and what I have learned.

Yesterday’s session was very general and good.  Our marriage mentors are also our home group leaders, which helps since they know our testimony and how we are, so it lessens that initial awkward stage.

  1. Our background and family life – Where we come from can shape our outlook on life and marriage.  The more we talked, the more we all realized how many broken marriages there are and how many marriages aren’t really a marriage at all.  The focus that was once there dwindles with time and it is until the two are divorced or are essentially putting up with one another.  This is something my fiance and I don’t want, and this is why premarital counseling is a sweet time to see and talk about these early on to set that foundation.
  2. Priorities – Making sure we have our priorities correct – God, husband/wife, children in that order.  We reflected on our parents and saw how the focus of work or children will tend to consume the person so they lose focus on what is important.  We talked about how the typical working husband today provides and puts dinner on the table, but doesn’t provide in other ways that are important such as: spiritual leadership, continually focus and love his wife, etc.  These are the things that will hold together a marriage and they are the ones that are easily forgotten about.
  3. Direction – Making sure that we are going in the same direction in the future; otherwise, we won’t be able to avoid big conflicts.  This was one that my fiance and I easily agreed on, since we want the same goals in life, but it was stressed to figure this out before getting married.
  4. Marriage is a mirror image of the God and church – It is so simple: marriage is a symbol of God and his church, and yet, it is so complex.  To me I took away this:  Be selfless, always give, and please my future husband in the most Godly way I can.  This is so simple, but so hard.  We are made to be selfish and sinful, and I continually have to compromise what I want to ensure that I am being selfless.  Of course, it is said that the husband does the same – to be selfless and giving.
  5. Focus on God – This is so important, since there is so much going on with life all the time that it is so easy to leave Him to the wayside and make him the last priority.  This is a constant struggle for most.  This is why my fiance and I need to keep one another accountable to make sure we focus on Him.  When you focus on Him, he will give you the desires of your heart.

This was a good first session as it laid the foundation to what a successful Christian marriage is all about before we dive into the smaller, but still important topics.